Fruitiness Follows

Consider the apple. Original sin. Red seduction that brought Adam down to earth, in more ways than one. Scarlet reflection that brought Newton and gravity to a mutual understanding.
Crimson flavor packaged and sold to us in little cardboard boxes.

Consider the orange. Bright paragon of vitamin C and health. Symbol of purity. Juno’s gift of innocence to Jupiter on the day of their celestial wedding. Tangy freshness processed and powdered for a season that will never end.
Summer glory made ready-to-serve.

Consider the grape. Nectar of the heavens. Seductive undertow of countless mythologies. The apostle’s favored choice. Violet stories in cool summer nights. Promises of bliss, dreams of purple contentment.
Sweet escape in clear crystal glass.

Consider Fruit Loops. Colored rings of cheer raised on artificial flavorings and preservatives. Belligerent custodians of all essential vitamins and minerals. Life seen through the glazed eyes of a perpetual sugar-high. Reflections of past, present and future illuminated in the light of the refrigerator.
Epiphanies in a bowlful of cereal at three in the morning.

Omair’s List: Entry # 2

Jackass in a jeep

It was a bloody hot morning, and rush hour traffic was a bitch. I was leaning back in Dhanno, minding my own business, cruising down the mellow road to work.

I like my mornings quiet. Nodding along to a wicked death metal song on full blast, I was taking it easy.

Out of nowhere, some moustached fool in a big-ass jeep starts honking like crazy. It looked like he wanted to bury that oversized front bumper of his jeep into my ass.

I am not partial to humoring honking morons this early in the morning. Fighting arrogance with arrogance, I refused to let Jeep Man overtake me and harassed him all the way to the bridge.

Are you in a hurry, Mr. Jeep Man? Surprise, jackass, we all have places to be. It’s not polite to honk senselessly at people just because you have an oversized jeep and an undersized penis. You need to be taught a lesson.

Unfortunately, traffic placement and flow was in Jeep Man’s favor.

Threatening a rickshaw with imminent doom, he managed to overtake me and kept hounding me till the next traffic signal.

Son of a bitch passed through the yellow light, leaving me waiting at the red.

Laugh while you can, Jeep Man.

You’re on my list.

Wisdom of the Potato Master

Talking to the deranged Potato-Master, I was told a tale of woe and befuddlement, tempered only by the three songs the shampoo salesman had sung by the pool.

He narrated his adventures like a brick wall crumbled, despair and triumph ran circles around us like a blind bird trying to find its way to Yugoslavia. It was only when the kebabs were done did the gravity of the situation dawn on the bouncing Brigadier, who promptly ordered the twin guitarists to fetch a magic frying pan from across the seven seas. This they did as swiftly as the flying mushroom would carry them.

When all was fried and done, it was the wisdom of the Potato-Master that had saved the day. He had foreseen the coming of the purple umbrella, and knew it was only a matter of time before the rain would come thundering.

Omair’s List: Entry #1

Bring it

Enough is enough. Crap has been flying thick and fast, and given the volume of BS I’ve gone through in recent times, there can only be one conclusion.

The world and everyone in it is out to get me.

Call it paranoia, call it anger issues, or call it the delusions of a madman, but I’m done taking it.

Starting today, I will exact my revenge on all those who make the mistake of crossing me, and I will make them pay dearly.

Of course, given the sheer number of fools out there who have elevated stupidity to an art form, I’ll have to make a list of their transgressions.

But vengeance will not be denied.

Watch your back, world.

You’re on my list.

Li’l Red in the Hood

We all know the story of Little Red Riding Hood and the big bad wolf, don’t we?

I always felt that the official story had been modified to make it more suitable for younger audiences.

Therefore, here is my interpretation of what REALLY happened that day, written in funky rap-song format!